A few of my least favourite things

This is not a tribute to Maria von Trapp. It's the disgruntled groan from a severely irritated individual. For the purpose of keeping it simple, I'll list them as they come screaming into my head.

• Abled drivers parking in disabled parking bays - clearly these individuals in their big, fuck you luxury cars are under the impression that the 'd' in the disabled sign stands for 'dickhead'. I suppose they are disabled in the sense that they have no decency left and are just all round arseholes. Karma is a bitch boet, that's all I can say. Keep parking there and you may just find your crotch infested by the fleas of a thousand camels.
  

• Cellular network providers - not only does your sms messages not get delivered when they are supposed to. But your calls are constantly disconnected mid-conversation which forces you to phone again and pay the initial call charge all over again. If you want to see first hand how frustrating this is, rent Lethal Weapon 4 and see Joe Pesci lose it with his cellular provider. One of the funniest scenes ever but sadly, something more and more of us can identify with.

• The cinema outing - oh boy, I can go on forever about this one. Here's a few of the most irritating things associated with going to the cinema these days.

1. Arriving at the confectionery station, selecting what you want and then handing over your money. Only to be asked 'Don't you have any change?' NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY CHANGE! If I had change, I would've handed it over. And even if I didn't, your responsibilities among keeping the popcorn fresh and available include providing change to customers when they pay for it.
   
2. Going to the bathroom and finding it in a disgusting state. Forgive me for expecting it to be clean, the cleaning ladies leaning on their mops confused me for a minute.
3. Still in the bathroom - overhearing a mommy saying to her little one 'Do everything you need to do because we aren't coming here during the movie.' WHAT?? I'm sorry but surely that borders on child abuse. The little girl has barely stopped wearing diapers which enabled her to soil herself in any which way she wanted to and when. Now she has to force herself to go even if she doesn't feel like it. And keep quiet during the movie if she needs to go again because Mommy doesn't want to leave the cinema. Does this woman not realise that 40 years from now, she'll be the one suffering from incontinence? And will have to rely on her daughter to be sympathetic towards her. This is why we end up in diapers again - collective revenge from little tots all over the world fighting back 40 years later.
4. Finding your seat and enjoying the fact that the cinema is so empty. Lots of space for your handbag and shopping and mountains of change you eventually received at the confectionery station. But as the first previews start, fellow cinema goers show up and sit right next to you. Even though there are literally 80-100 seats open, they will come and sit next to you. Because the genius selling the tickets thought it would make sense to put people right next to you, in case you get lonely. And the cretins buying the tickets, thought it would be nice to keep a complete stranger company for the duration of the movie. If I was an inconsiderate person, I would get up and move. But by the time I've gathered all my parcels, my handbag and my mountains of change, I've effectively ruined it for somebody else already. Even I'm not that selfish.

• People with loaded trolleys using the checkout meant for baskets only - I really don't understand this. Either you are illiterate and cannot read which may explain why your trolley is so full or you like showing off the fact that you buy in bulk. Not like the rest of us individuals who buy a measly 10 items at a time. Yes, yes, I'm impressed that you buy a whole pocket of potatoes at a time instead of the 2 I buy in my little bread bag. But I've seen women assaulted by other shoppers for this very reason - keep doing this at your own peril.

There are so many more but my blood pressure has shot up to dangerous levels already. And Monday has barely started. Feel free to add what it is that drives you up the wall. Because the most irritating thing to me is that hardly anybody reads my rants.