I should be working right now. It’s not as if I don’t have enough to keep me occupied. In fact, I have more than I can probably cope with at this point. Just like every other sucker around the globe. Not enough pay to get me through the day and so forth.
But I'm not feeling terribly motivated. Which made me wonder, how do you motivate yourself and those around you when you can’t offer big bonuses or huge salary increases? A quick visit to Google delivered the same old tired ‘creative’ suggestions to motivate without moola.
According to a Mr. Worman, whose wisdom was delivered to me courtesy of Google in 0.45372389475 seconds, you can do some of the following:
•Encourage Peer Recognition
Are we 12 years old? ‘Dear Johnnie, I really like how you effectively shredded your last sales report. Good job little buddy!’ If one of my peers said that to me, I would’ve told them to go shove the report where it won’t be shredded but embedded.
•Job Titles – come up with creative titles for all staff members so they can take pride in what they do.
Again, are we back in daycare? ‘Bridgette, you are in charge of filling the water cooler each day. Which makes you our Hydration Station Manager. Jack, you’ll be looking after stock levels of loo paper. I dub thee – Sanitation Salvation Manager.’
•Gags and Gimmicks – hand out the following to your staff:
1.A figurine of E.T. for out-of-this-world performance.
2.Special parking space for the person who drives the hardest
3.Plastic phonograph records for setting a new record
Honestly, if you have the time to think up this garbage, you as a manager aren’t pulling your weight and can start by doing some fucking work yourself for crying out loud. However, if you must engage in this sort of motivational activity, perhaps consider the following:
1.A special cubicle in the ladies or men’s bathroom for talking the biggest load of shit during a meeting.
2.A Creepy Crawly Pool Cleaner for sucking up to the boss
3.A tub of Vaseline for constantly bending over instead of taking a stand
4.An apron for cooking your expenses
The list goes on and on. In fact, feel fee to add your own suggestions. Considering that you are clearly not working either if you are reading this. Perhaps it is ok for people not to feel motivated at times; it’s cyclical like taxes and Jacob Zuma. One year you pay taxes and the next you don’t. One day you get fired and the next, you run Africa. One day you are on top of the world, the next you are holding it up. Here’s my advice, get used to it.
Life is hard.
About Me
- Boermeisie
- Johannesburg, Gauteng
- Filled with angst and useless sports trivia, I've made my way to the big, bad city of Jo'burg. I still harbour hopes of being the first female stand-up comedian who also coaches the Springbok Rugby Team. If it will still be called that by the time I'm appointed.
6 comments:
yep, life is hard, and you have to be a big girl.
and motivation is corny but necessary nontheless. I'm not the comic that you are so I'm going to be entirely boring and corny and tell you what has worked for me re: motivation:
* incentives (we do it in services) it's a small amount but it counts for the staff
* leave (an afternoon off here and there does wonders)
* flowers etc as a big thank you for work performed
* an unscheduled lunch
* an opportunity for study/development
* dinner with a friend/partner/mother etc (okayed by a manager)
* involvement in a project
* send them to an event instead of going yourself
all of these will work for anyone who reports to you. It's your responsibility to motivate your staff. Your boss has to motivate you. But it is much harder to motivate people the higher up the chain you go.
Well, you certainly put a lot of work into your comments for my blog. Thanks, it's appreciated. I probably won't follow your advice but it is appreciated nonetheless.
I think the question is more about dedication than motivation...
Don't you think?
You are partly right. I've been very dedicated to my blog - so much so that it took me an hour to figure out how to get rid of the gremlins inside it. When I should've been working. And in the process I've kept you from working as well. That's real dedication.
Motivation schmotivation.
As George Carlin said we need less motivation not more in society as a whole. The most motivated people in the world are serial killers. Nuff said.
If you want to motivate yourself get someone to hit you repeatedly with a bat. It works, although I normally get charged extra.
Three posts in and suffering from a lack of motivation - pull yourself towards yourself. Your motivation should be your adoring public and the fact that you're making me look positively prolific.
So there you go - your motivation is - the Afrowelshman needs more stuff to read and he's tired of typing the word "motivation".
So get on with it.
And remember, like a smaller whiter more foreign version of Louis Gossett Jnr in the Windhoek adverts...
...I'm watching you Dave...
Yep. And an alectrolux for the office suck up.
And a tape recorder for the one who loves the sound of their own voice...
Lol! Love your blog my friend! Keeps me sane! Just wish it was a daily blog, cos I could SO do with a dose of laughs in the morning!
Mwa!
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